Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
