i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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