youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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