I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
