it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
