my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's always time for handjobs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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