I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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