my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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