You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
