He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
