barbara walters just said penis...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Found your dick twin last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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