I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
