dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
