I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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