I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
