I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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