You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
