I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
