No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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