Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
