ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
