I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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