i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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