let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
