It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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