I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
