At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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