im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
