Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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