i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
