Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
