Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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