I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
