were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know her cup size but not her name....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
