i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
