he wants to bone in the snuggie
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
