we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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