sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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