Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh god it's open bar.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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