Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
