I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
