i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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