Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize