OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
