did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
