ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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