She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize