I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
