i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
