get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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