Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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