I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
