he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
