At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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