do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
