A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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