new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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