I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
