i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
