Michael Bay diarrhea
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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