I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
