3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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