No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
