Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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