Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
