I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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